Revenge, A Confession of Pain
by SciFiRN
Summary: What might have happened, or what may be to come. Character death and a wounded Harry...This is a darkfic.
1. Chapter 1

He knew she was dying even before he made it to her side, part of him actually hoped she was gone even as he knelt to pull her into his arms. He didn't want her to suffer, and he knew if she were alive she was in agony. Her head fell back with a gasp onto his forearm and her eyes fluttered shut just as he whispered, "I love you," against her cheek.

It didn't take long and that surprised him just a bit. Not that he spent much time thinking about people dying, but he was shocked that she died so quickly. He sat there, her head in his lap, her blood pooling around the both of them while his tears flowed unchecked down his face. A few tears landed and slid down her cheek while others made little ripples in the growing pool of blood.

He threw his head back and with one loud, groaning scream, he released all the pain and longing he had held back for so long. He was angry; angry at her, at her killers and at himself. He wanted to hunt each and every one of them down and tear them limb from limb. He wanted to shake her and remind her that she promised she would stay away until it was safe. He wished he knew a way to go back and make sure she'd done as he had asked. But most of all, he wished he had told her how he felt so that she would have known he loved her.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed there, on the ground thick with her blood. His tears had dried up some time ago and her hair was matted and sticking in clumps to his trousers when he finally decided to stand.

As he stood, her head thumped to the ground, a part of him, deep inside thought he shouldn't have allowed that to happen, but the angry part simply understood that what was left wasn't who he loved. She was gone. His angel had left him. Alone he would have to face the darkness that had always threatened him, and which he now felt would consume him.

He carelessly wiped his bloodied hands on his equally bloody shirt and stepped over her body. He glanced down as he did and the thought struck him that she looked like she was smiling at something. He shrugged and continued walking, his heavy work boots leaving thick red footprints across the sidewalk. Power crackled around him and the runes of his staff glowed. He wasn't really sure where he was going, but he had one goal; Revenge.


	2. Of Suffering

_**Author's Note: **__I really had no plans to continue this story, but I was encouraged to write more from some of my readers: Thank you. This story is really book-verse, but since I really liked the idea of Bob the ghost, in my world Bob is Hrothbert of Bainbridge. This isn't a happy story...you have been warned._

Chapter 2

_"What can you ever really know of other people's souls; of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles? One soul in the whole creation you do know and it is the only one whose fate is placed in your hands." - C. S. Lewis_

When he reached the beetle he wasn't even sure how he got there, he yanked the door open and threw his staff into the area that had once housed the back seat even as he folded himself into the area behind the driver seat. He felt the car jerk in response to his anger and he concentrated on breathing, slow and steady, in and out, forcing himself to focus on bringing his emotion and power under control.

After several minutes he felt more grounded and better able to think. He touched the barely healed gash on his chest with the matching one on his right palm and he felt the pain of loss surge through him again, but this time it was different. The anger was there, the pain was there, but his thoughts cleared enough to formulate a plan. That is if you can call going in guns a blazing a plan.

He swallowed, and silently begged the car to start. He was slightly surprised when it did so with little resistance. He drove as if he didn't care whether he lived or died. Running stop signs and lights, switching lanes at the last minute, cutting people off and causing more road rage in 15 minutes than he normally did in a week. The beetle huffed and shuttered when he pulled to stop in front of his apartment. There were things he needed and people he needed and he immediately started screaming to Bob to help as he entered the lab.

Bob materialized quickly with a pout, and was about to reply with a some sarcastic comment when he saw Harry's blood covered clothes and read the pain on his face.

"Harry, by the gods what is it? What happened?" Bob stepped forward, raised a hand only to drop it quickly to his side as he silently cursed his incorporeal form.

Harry looked up at Bob from the floor where he had squatted to go through the cabinets under his work table, "She's dead Bob." His voice held no emotion and in the flicker of a heartbeat he was back to pulling things off the shelf and asking where things were.

Bob paled, if that was possible, and answered, "Last row in the back. Harry who are you talking about?...Top shelf, next to the bottled demon sulfur…Harry, look at me please." Bob implored even as Harry ignored him and continued to pull bottles and packages from the shelves.

"Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, damn it answer me!" Bob said with quiet exasperation.

Harry stopped his rifling and stood to face the ghost. Bob was slightly shocked at the expression on the wizard's face as he spoke.

"You hold no power over me, ghost. My name means nothing from you. Now, help me or get the hell back in your skull." Harry glared at the ghost and swiped an aggravated hand over his face leaving behind bloody streaks where his recent tears had been.

"I'm sorry Harry. I meant no disrespect," his voice just above a whisper. "I only want to help you and if you tell me what is going on I might have a better chance at accomplishing exactly that." Bob said contritely, his head bowed in true remorse.

The muscles of Harry's jaw bulged as he clenched his teeth. He leaned his head back and swallowed; fighting the tears again. Once again he placed his palm over his chest and groaned as the pain of loss intensified. It was almost impossible to think and he gasped before finally turning his wild gaze to the ghost.

He suddenly fell to his knees and with his forehead against the cement he sobbed uncontrollably. He didn't want to, but he couldn't have stopped if he had all the power on earth at his disposal. He fought it with every ounce of his strength, the pain rising up in him, humming through him and around him. His soul was dead and cold and he had left it lying on the street.

Bob knelt by his side, his voice thick with emotion as he spoke, "Harry. Please talk to me. Let me help you."

Harry lifted his head and wiped at the tears, "You can't help. She's gone, Bob…do you understand?" Emotion choked him and he paused to catch his breath, "She's gone, they killed her, and I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I don't know what to do…she's not here…I can't do this alone…I feel so alone." Harry managed to get out between the uncontrollable weeping.

"Harry, Lieutenant Murphy is dead?" Bob asked, hoping he was wrong, knowing he wasn't.

Harry didn't answer, only hung his head and wept silently.

"I'm so sorry Harry, I am so very sorry." Bob said quietly, wishing he could do more for his friend than offer him simple words. Bob moved his hand to hover just above the younger wizard's head, again cursing his inability to interact with the world.

Bob knew exactly how it felt to have your soul violently stolen from you, and regardless of whether Harry acknowledged it or not, Karrin Murphy was the other half of Harry's soul. Bob only hoped that Harry was stronger than he had been.

When Bob had faced the loss of his beloved Winifred he had defied natural law and brought her back. He simply hadn't been able to go on without her. He closed his eyes and even now, hundreds of years later, the torrent of pain was almost enough to sweep him into insanity.

Not knowing what to do Bob silently stood watch beside Harry as he cried. He continued his vigil even after Harry fell into a fitful sleep, curled in a ball on the floor of the lab with his right palm pressed against his chest.


	3. A Sensible Man?

Chapter 3

_A sensible man will remember that the eyes may be confused in two ways - by a change from light to darkness or from darkness to light; and he will recognize that the same thing happens to the soul. Plato_

"Harry. Harry, look at me. Damn it, Harry, open your eyes!"

Harry groaned, and as his eyes fluttered open he saw her. A dream he thought, thank the stars it was just a dream. Karrin Murphy stood above him as he lay on his side in bed. The thought struck him that he had never before seen anything quite as beautiful.

He felt tears of relief prickle his eyelids. He smiled and rolled fully onto his back, tucking a folded arm under his head as he let his eyes meet hers.

"Murph, I had one hell of a dream," Harry reached a hand out toward her and frowned when he saw the still bloody gash on his palm. He squinted as his vision tunneled. He was sure that Karrin Murphy stood before him, but it took him only a second and one clear thought to realize that she looked very similar to the way she always had when he used his sight.

He saw the small wings and the angelic glow that surrounded her and realization came rushing to him. He felt his heart tear in two again as the pain rushed forward and his tears of relief became tears of sorrow once again.

The vision Murphy offered him a sad smile and backed away from the bed. "Harry, listen to me. I don't have much time but you have to remember. Please tell me you remember." Her voice held both desperation and a tone of aggravation that Harry found so familiar it was almost comforting.

Harry forced his struggling mind to focus on her words. Screw the damn feelings! Focus! Remember…remember, there was something he was supposed to remember, but his thoughts kept jumping about in his head like popping corn. Holding onto one thought and trying to make sense of it was currently beyond him. He shook his head and sat up to lean against the headboard. As he did so, he looked at his right palm.

The gash was still oozing and he tried to remember how it happened. He must of have had a puzzled look on his face, because he saw the ghost Murphy, or whatever she was, nod just before he heard her voice.

"Yes, I can't tell you, but it has something to do with that cut and the other one." She cocked her head and pointed to his chest.

Harry felt the burning pain in his chest as he took a deep breath, causing the slash over his heart to gap and bleed freely. He rubbed at his temple. Damn, what was it he was supposed to remember and why didn't he have any clue how he got hurt in the first place.

Murphy's voice captured his attention, "Harry, focus and remember. I'm about out of time and I'm not even sure how this is working, but you have to remember." The vision of Murphy began to fade, "If you don't a whole lot of people are going to die." Her form faded more, "You and…" She began just as the last bit of her glow blinked into darkness and silence.

Harry sat straight up with a vicious cry only to find himself on the cold concrete floor of his lab with Bob standing over him. Blood was dripping slowly from the cuts on his chest and hand and something important was pounding away at his skull. He tried to focus on it, but it eluded him with ease.

He took a slow breath and closed his eyes forcing his thoughts to stop their chaotic hammering. A breath in, relax; a breath out, relax. Focus, remember, a breath in and out. One word rushed to the forefront of his thoughts; a name. Mab.

"Harry, are you alright?" Bob asked as Harry rose so suddenly to his feet that he staggered for a second before finding his balance.

Harry glanced around the lab, a half-wild gleam in his eyes and he answered Bob with a grunt, which Bob seemed to understand as meaning something akin to "Yes," and then he started pulling books from the closest shelf.

Bob eyed the titles speculatively and arched an eyebrow while crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head. "Harry, what is it you're looking for?"

Harry pulled a battered wooden stool from its place against the wall and sat himself down. He pulled the first book open and then the second without really paying attention to what was on the pages. Angry and frustrated, he pushed them both away and then focused on Bob.

Without a word, he pulled off his duster and yanked his t-shirt over his head, exposing the four-inch long gash across the center of his chest. He then laid his right hand, palm up, on the worktable, making the gash down the thumb side visible. He glanced quickly from his palm to Bob and he waited.

"Harry, please tell me you somehow managed to hurt yourself and those aren't what I think they are." Bob implored.

"I don't remember it. I had a vision or some damn thing like it, while I was sleeping. She told me to remember, that it was important to remember, but the only thing I remember is watching her die. Fuck! I can barely even remember what I was doing before I was standing there." Harry slammed a fist into the table and a rush of potent energy whispered violently through the room rustling pages and rattling glass vials.

Bob shuddered as the power rushed through him. He frowned, "Honestly Harry, do you realize what this means? The Council is going to be at your door anytime now. Surely, they know and if they don't they are going to figure it out soon, this isn't something you can hide. What exactly were you thinking?" Bob asked frantically. He was worried about his friend, and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to help him. Hell, he wasn't sure anyone could help him.

"That's just it. I don't know what I was thinking, because I can't remember a damn thing." Harry screamed into the room, which once again caused a rush of power to surge around him. He blinked at the sudden strength of it and then pushed away from the worktable with an abrupt shove. "Bob, there must have been a reason I did what I did, because I would never have willingly accepted this kind of power." Harry paced the small space, thinking.

The twin gashes worked with spells, work that Harry knew, without even interpreting it, were dark. His right hand and his heart; they represented goodness and soul, as well as intuition, courage and strength or will. For some reason he didn't quite understand just now, Harry had offered his soul for courage and power. He was sure he had a really good reason for it, but just now he only remembered that Queen Mab was somehow involved, and he knew that meant trouble.

Bob stepped in front of Harry, effectively stopping his pacing.

"Damn it. What are you doing?" Harry yelped as he narrowly avoided stepping through Bob's form.

"Sit still for a moment." Bob irritably stated, "I want to try something."

Harry sighed and scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He was exhausted, hurt, angry and hungry; he didn't want to pause in his thoughts, but he did. Harry dropped his hands to his sides and glared at the ghost.

"What?"

"Just shut up and stand still." Bob didn't wait for a response, but simply raised his hand and very lightly allowed it to contact the gash on Harry's still naked chest.

Harry sucked in a sudden breath as the contact sent a half-expected icy shiver through him. He wasn't, however, expecting the sudden electric like shock that started in his chest and spread out through every cell of his body. He also wasn't expecting the eerie glow that surrounded Bob as he rapidly changed to mimic the forms of Harry, Murphy and then something dark and menacing before finally reverting back to his usual self.

Harry shivered and pulled back while Bob did the same. He glanced at his chest and tenderly traced the gash with the index and middle fingers of his left hand. Somehow and for some reason he felt reassured. He grabbed his duster from the floor and quickly climbed the ladder out of the lab.

Bob appeared in the living room as Harry slammed the trapdoor shut and kicked the rug back into its previous place. Bob followed Harry, standing silently as Harry showered and dressed.

Harry was pulling his boots back on when Bob finally spoke, "Harry, what are you going to do?"

Harry finished pulling the leg of his black jeans down over his boots and sat up to look the ghost in the eye.

"The only thing I can do right now is find Mab, and hope she tells me what the hell is going on. Then, if I have to, I'm going to take on the whole fucking White Council. It's their fault she's dead. They allowed her to die to keep me in my place. I questioned the Merlin one too many times and he finally decided to follow through on a threat he made long ago." Harry pulled on his bracelets and rings then slipped the leather strip that held his pentacle back over his head. The silver settled in the middle of the gash and took on a bluish green glow.

"Harry," Bob pleaded, "You can't just openly accuse the Merlin of violating the laws. You have to have proof. Listen to yourself. Are you really saying that Karrin Murphy died by direct order of the Merlin? You, yourself, said you watched the Black Courts kill her."

Harry stood and pulled the duster over the gray t-shirt he was wearing. He slipped his wand into a small loop inside the leather and then grabbed his staff. Glancing at Bob, over his shoulder, he spoke as he headed for the door, "The Blacks were there, but I never actually saw them touch her. She was hurt, she was bleeding, but she hadn't been fed on. Magic. I could feel it when I held her. She's dead because of magic; something strong, something old and not entirely black." Harry paused and gasped as his anger triggered a jolt of power ran down the length of his staff, causing the runes on it to glow.

Harry pulled open the battered door and glanced back at Bob with a sad smile. He closed his eyes and felt a single tear slide down his face. His voice was barely above a whisper and cracked with emotion.

"I am going to end this once and for all. Goodbye, Bob." He gritted out as he pulled the door shut behind him, leaving Bob standing in the threshold in anguish.

"Goodbye Harry, and may the gods favor you." Bob whispered into the empty room and then disappeared.


	4. Anything Would be Better

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"_Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough." - Jean-Paul Sartre_

Harry chose to walk. Walking helped him think, it may have been something he picked up from Bob, since Bob always paced when he thought, but Harry really believed it was just something that everyone did. Try to walk and keep your thoughts from flowing. It was impossible.

It did take some time for his thoughts to flow, at first in a chaotic way as they forced aside the emotional roadblocks of pain and anger that he had erected randomly across the landscape of his mind. Eventually, one thought flowed into the next, acquired its own power and triggered the process again. New ideas sent in new directions, avalanches of words and concepts mixing with notions and inspiration to become solutions.

It usually worked best to allow this to happen on an unconscious level. Harry simply walked and waited for random thoughts to become patterns, patterns then became realizations and realizations lead to actions. When he began walking, he'd had an idea of where he was going, but he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize when he had arrived until he noticed water lapping at his feet.

The comprehension that he had reached his destination startled him and he lifted his head only to notice that it was dusk. He'd walked several hours and he had come to several conclusions, but first there was someone he needed to talk to.

He stepped back several feet from the lake and after crouching down, traced a large circle around himself. He then backed out of the circle and was careful to ensure that nothing intersected its circumference. He squinted down at his hand then pressed his left thumbnail into the gash on his right palm. When a thick bead of blood began to well up, he moved his hand to hover a few inches above the circle, allowing a couple of thick drops to land strategically on the circle at 12:00. Then moving his hand in an alternating pattern he let drops fall at 7:00, 3:00, 9:00, 5:00 and then again at 12:00. He touched the circle with the first two fingers of his left hand and with a quick thought, willed it closed.

There was an abrupt hum as energy built and a mild breeze billowed Harry's duster as the energy coalesced to power the circle. Harry felt the pop, and the circle was secured. He stood, took a couple of steps back, bowed his head and with his eyes closed took a deep breath. He concentrated on centering himself and gathering his power.

The wind rose and sent leaves and small twigs rustling past Harry and an audible buzz began to build, followed quickly by a palpable pressure in the air, but Harry didn't pause. He lifted his head and with his left hand he hefted his staff over his head while the runes encasing the length of it glowed brightly in vivid shades of green and blue.

Harry threw his head back and in a clear voice, heady with power he called out.

"_I swallow my fear and come to you, hoping to discover true strength, and courage. You are the fury, which rips the flesh from injustice. You are the glowing forge that will transform my inner demon into a tool of power. I open myself to your embrace and am overcome. You are the sword that protects me from harm and I am the crucible in which all aspects of you will merge. I will demand the utter truth from you, and in return I will give you all that I am. Your wisdom is beyond the ages. Knowledge of you is power over self, over fear, over death. Mab, Faerie Queen of Winter, answer my call_!"

Harry felt everything stop. Leaves sat suspended in midair, the small waves paused before they could break on the rocky shore, even his breath caught. The only sound was the rushing of his blood through his veins and the pounding away of his heart. He felt the power surging through him, felt giddy from it, but he managed to focus and pull it tighter around and into himself.

Mab could try to ignore him, but he was confident he was throwing out enough power to not only demand her attention, but also ensure her cooperation. He had used an ancient ritual, one that according to all his research had always worked. He had changed it some, updated it, tweaked it to say what he wanted and he was hoping that wouldn't affect its strength, but then again this was the Sidhe. They usually did what they wanted.

His grief and anger were powering this newfound strength, but he knew there was something else also. His hand and chest stung and throbbed, serving as a reminder. He knew he had been manipulated, used and then his memories had been hidden. It made him angry. He turned the unexpected surge of anger inward, transformed it with his will and called out again.

"Mab, you fucking bitch, answer me! Damn you, NOW!"

He brought his staff down, causing the rocks beside the circle to steam and glow red with heat. The faint scent of brimstone drifted up with the steam and in a rapid rush, fog and snow began to swirl within the circle. The leaves moved, the waves crashed and suddenly Mab appeared.

She stood her hair whipping around her form and a soft smile on her face. Harry hadn't moved. His staff remained in the sandy, rocky shore and he noticed that despite the slight chill in the air he was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. He met Mab's eyes and was amazed at the glimmer of sadness he saw in her gaze.

She held out her arms like a mother to a child, her voice gentle as she spoke.

"Harry, you didn't need to use such a strong spell to call me. Haven't I always been there when you needed me?" She placed a palm against the barrier of the circle and was surprised when she met a very solid wall.

Her gentleness quickly became irritation and her voice sharpened.

"What exactly did you do and why is it that you can hold me in this circle?" Her eyes flashed and she crossed her arms over her breasts.

Harry smiled coldly. He knew she'd answer his call, he knew she wouldn't be able to resist, just like he knew she was involved. The Queen of Winter stuck in a circle cast by a simple wizard; tricked.

Harry took a couple of steps toward the circle and held up his right hand, the reopened gash bleeding sluggishly. He felt his power hit the circle and roll back at him like the wall of heat around an open fire. He could feel Mab's power circling and building inside the circle also.

Mab lowered her eyes quickly before raising them to Harry's face and speaking.

"Oh, Harry. If only you understood everything. Your mother saw your potential, your future and that is why Lea is your godmother. You have been given a gift and you will use it to set wrongs right and remove obstacles that have stood for generations. What you have is power beyond your imagination. What you need is the knowledge of why you need it."

Mab's speech didn't make much sense to Harry, but he knew it was the truth and that it was much less cryptic than usual as the circle and ritual ensured that.

"What did you do?" Harry choked as he held his hand up again. "You took away the only truly good thing left in my life and my soul with it. I'm dead already so it doesn't matter what happens from this point on. I just plan on taking as many down with me as I can. I'm a dead man barely walking, so tell me Mab what is it you want from me, what did you do to me and why is Murphy dead?"

Mab's gentle laugh caused Harry's anger to rise unexpectedly and her words didn't help calm him down.

"Why is the girl dead? Harry, you said it yourself. You wouldn't be any use to us with that damn conscious of yours. Your soul or sense of decency or morality, call it what you will, was in the way and no matter what we did you wouldn't fall. We tried to get at you through DuMorne and we thought we had until Ebenezar stepped in. We tried to get at you through the Denarian, but somehow you have more willpower than anyone ever thought possible."

The Queen shifted her expression full of conceit, as her smile broadened. "You managed to pull power from her, learn new skills and still not give in." She paused and looked Harry full in the eye then added, "Your mother would have been proud, but you left us with no choice, wizard. You know I can't force you to do anything; free will and all, Harry." Mab waved her hand flippantly. "So you know I didn't do anything to you without you asking me to…I simply helped arrange the circumstances. It was you who brought this on yourself. I simply heard your pain and came to your assistance."

A harsh white light rose up from the circle the Queen stood in and in a flash it was gone. Mab was free. Harry dropped his staff and gripped the sides of his head as a sudden throb rushed through his skull and pounded its way into his brain. With a gasp he fell to his knees, his head thrown back and his eyes open, but unseeing.


	5. Extremes

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"_Certain souls seem hard because they are capable of strong feelings, and they sometimes go to rather extreme lengths; their apparent unconcern and cruelty are but ways, known only to themselves, of feeling more strongly than others."_

_Arco Marquis De Sade_

Harry looked around. He stood in the street and watched himself hunch over Murphy's body as he pulled her body into his arms. A stab of pain pierced him, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. It took him a second or two to realize that he was in the Nevernever. Somehow he had crossed over. The street was subtly different than it usually was and while there were no bodies on the other side there were several dead littering the ground on this side.

A sound brought his head around and he met Lea's gaze. If Harry weren't so sure she was as cold-hearted a bitch as Mab, he would have thought there was a glaze of tears in her eyes. She looked back at the other Harry as he held Murphy and sighed as she turned to face the real Harry again.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this." She motioned behind her where Harry was just lowering his mouth to her ear. "You gave them no choice."

Harry swallowed hard and ignored the scene unfolding behind Lea, "Can you help?"

Lea shook her head, "It's too late, but I can offer you something. Perhaps, it's not what you want, but I can give you the power and the knowledge you need to destroy those responsible." Lea paused and watched Harry push his emotions back until they were manageable.

Waving a hand over her shoulder she continued somberly, "This wasn't an accident. You know there are things going on beyond me and you. Those in power are pulling strings, and you know, or at least suspect whom the head puppeteer is."

Lea raised her eyebrows and watched Harry from under half-lidded eyes. She watched as his eyes wandered back to the bloody scene behind her and then as the muscles in his jaw flexed as he ground his teeth. She watched as her godson fought his emotions and she barely noticed the slight movement of his head indicating his agreement.

Harry's eyes caught Lea's and she was slightly shocked at the emptiness she saw in them and for the glimmer of a second, she wandered if maybe they had pushed him too far.

Harry continued his empty stare. You didn't get anything free from the Sidhe, so he cleared his throat and asked flatly. "What is it you want in return?"

Lea closed the gap between Harry and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. She lowered her voice and spoke sympathetically.

"To assist you in your revenge we will give you the powers of the Winter Knight and augment your power with that of Lasciel's shadow. In return, you agree to serve Winter in any capacity we feel necessary." Lea paused, before adding dramatically, "and you agree that your power will always lie in the Winter Court."

Harry pulled away from his godmother and raised his staff sharply as his anger rose rapidly.

"I fought the fallen once, and I'm not sure can do it again. I can't accept the demon's terms. That's not negotiable. I'll refuse to take up the coin." Harry almost vibrated with his anger.

Lea held up a hand as Harry was about to continue.

"You misunderstand. Lasciel's coin is safely in the Church's hands. Her shadow, the one you called Lash, however is free. When the shadow left you, she sought asylum in the Nevernever. She has no power to manifest physically. She exists only as a phantom of thought, but we think that if she is able to join another's mind her power, while only a shadow of the true Lasciel, will be formidable. Theoretically, the extent of her power will be dependent on the skill of the one whose mind she couples with, as well as what she feels, and she can be quite stubborn." Lea paused and waved her hand, causing the scene on the other side of the veil to pause. She then continued, "Harry, Lash misses you, she found your mind bracing and stimulating and has stated quite emphatically that without you she feels lost."

Harry stood with his mouth hanging slightly open and a stupid look on his face. Lash had helped him out of several tight spots and Harry had managed to convince her she had her own will and could do as she pleased, not as Lasciel willed. He wanted free of the temptation of the Denarian and was convinced that by getting Lash out of his head the temptation would go away. He'd been right. He was able to call up Father Forthill and hand the coin over without a problem. He assumed that Lash had used up all her energy to save his hide that one last time. He thought she had sacrificed herself, but maybe he was wrong.

Harry looked at his form, frozen above Murphy's and then back to Lea. His thoughts chaotic, he knew at some point he would end up making this kind of choice; a choice that could change who he was into someone else entirely. He never thought it would be for revenge, but then again maybe it was for love.

Harry shifted his stance and swallowed his pain and fear. "I will only agree if my free will remains intact. I won't have Mab ordering me around like a well trained mutt. I'll be her Knight if I can do it on my own terms."

Lea paused with her head cocked to one side as she carefully regarded the Harry and Murphy scene suspended on the other side before slowly moving to stand beside them. Harry was slightly startled as he finally noticed the scene wasn't actually suspended, but rather was moving excruciatingly slow.

Lea bent down and drew a thin, curved blade from her sleeve. The handle was made out of something slick and white the runes on the blade glowed purple and red. Harry rushed to grab her arm as she raised it over Murphy, but his hand went through her.

Lea shook her head and smiled. "Come now Harry, you're a smart boy. You can't be here and there at the same time now can you?"

Lea went back to her task and Harry watched as the blade slipped into an open gash on Murphy's back. The runes burned brighter and Lea began to chant in the sing-song language of the Sidhe. Harry cringed as the blade slashed the hand of the Harry holding Murphy and his astral self felt the sharp sting as the wound simultaneously appeared on his palm.

Lea continued her chanting and held the blade above the heads of Harry and Murphy. A hum filled the air, a prismatic dust settled over the blade and the air grew thick with the scent of sulfur. Lea bent over and inhaled the dust. Harry caught a glimpse of her eyes. They were black, the pupil a small vertical slash of red – Lash.

Using the blade Lea slashed open her own palm and then once again dipped the blade into Murphy's blood. A quick turn of her wrist laid open the gash on Harry's chest. Her chanting increased as she brought the blade to her own chest. Lea knelt beside the couple and placed her bleeding palm to the gash on Harry's chest and placed his palm to the gash on hers.

The runes and symbols on the knife glowed and smoked and as she continued her chanting she pressed the red hot runes to Harry's chest, on both sides of her palm. The sharp smell of burnt flesh was sickening and Harry gagged. The sound of Lea's voice grounded him as she spoke in a language Harry didn't know, but was somehow able to understand.

The spell bound him to Winter and to Lash using the power of his love for Karrin Murphy. The spirit Harry fell to the ground in anguish and was just about to scream at Lea to stop when he slammed back into his body.

Harry pulled his hands from his head and with an inhuman roar he launched himself at Mab. She must have been surprised, because he actually managed to get his hands around her throat and inflict some minor damage before she threw him across the beach and pinned him to the ground with little more than a thought and a flick of her wrist.

Harry lay, gasping for the breath that was knocked out of him and stared up at his Queen as she stood over him rubbing at her throat and making tisk-tisk noises like he was a naughty child.

"Don't ever do that again or it may be the last thing you do. Besides, you still haven't accomplished the one thing you set out to do." She stepped back and the pressure on Harry's chest finally lightened enough so that he could push himself into a sitting position.

Mab adjusted her cuffs and brushed some bit of dirt from her skirt before continuing. "So, get up and get moving." Mab turned and took a couple of steps before turning and leveling her gaze with Harry's. "The Merlin isn't going to be easy to destroy, but I'm confident you'll figure something quite effective out won't you."

With a sudden rush of bitterly cold air Mab was gone and Harry was left shivering and alone on the cold, wet, rocky shore.


	6. Blood and Spirit

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

" _I love only that which is written with __blood__. Write with __blood__: and you will discover that __blood__ is spirit.__" Friedrich Nietzsche _

Harry blinked and suddenly he wasn't alone. Karrin Murphy knelt beside him, her hand pulling small leaves and twigs from his hair. He could smell her and feel the warmth of her skin and he couldn't help pressing his cheek against her palm as she grinned at him. When she spoke not only did the chill leave his body, but also his soul.

"Come on Harry, get your ass moving. We have work to do and it's not going to do itself." She punched him playfully in the arm and then stood up.

Harry pushed himself up and stood and even though he knew it really wasn't Murphy he couldn't help but pull her into his arms and press his lips to her hair as he stated over and over how sorry he was and how much he loved her.

When he pulled back there were tears in his eyes and in hers as well.

"She knew, Harry. She knew you loved her and she wants you to know she loved you too and it wasn't your fault, she knows that. She was going to stay away but while you were out Billy called her in a panic. Told her that you were in trouble, one of his people had overheard something about the ambush so she came to warn you off. Only it was too late, you were pinned down and she was so scared for you. She could only think of one way to help, distract the Blacks and hope you could regroup. She wasn't counting on being ambushed herself." Lash paused and gave Harry's hand a quick squeeze before stepping back.

Harry was confused and he voiced it in a question, "How is it you know all of this? I mean you weren't there, you were off with the Winter Court, right?"

Lash frowned a bit and cocked her head to the side, the look on her face so Murphy that Harry fought the sudden lump in his throat.

Murphy-Lash answered, "Harry, don't be mad, but in order for this magic to work a tiny wisp of Karrin Murphy's essence was needed to bind me to you, and you to Winter. Her blood was heavy with her love and every other feeling she had for you. I was bound to Lasciel by force of will and with your help I was able to break free of that bond. Now I'm bound to you and Winter by blood; Karrin Murphy's, yours and Lea's. Each of you has become part of what I am. She's…I'm, well it's written in blood."

Harry shook his head in frustration, "That doesn't make any damn sense; and please change your appearance. It's getting to me."

Lash smiled softly and crossed her arms and with the slightest flicker of light shifted her form into one of a woman the same size of Murphy, but with different facial features. Just as pretty, but with long dark hair, olive skin and vaguely almond shaped eyes. Her voice was a little thicker and huskier then before and Harry nodded when Lash continued.

"Come on Harry it's your philosophers who said that love is a sacred reserve of energy; like the blood of spiritual evolution and even the Christian Saint Aurelius Augustine said, 'The soul, which is spirit, can not dwell in dust; it is carried along to dwell in the blood.' If the soul is in the blood and Karrin Murphy's blood was used to bind me then part of her soul lives with me and in you and it's that tiny bit of her soul and the energy of your love for each other that's allowing me to physically manifest."

To prove her point Lash bent down and picked up two smooth stones from the shore and tossed them at Harry, who had to move quickly to avoid getting bashed in the head.

"Hey!" Harry yelled as he looked over his shoulder to the lake where ripples were still pushing outward from where the second stone had fell. "That's new and somewhat scary." He added as he covered the small space of ground between him and Lash in three steps. He reached out and touched her arm. She was warm and even though she had changed form she still smelled like Murphy. Harry's breath caught and emotion again threatened to overwhelm him.

"I can't change that. Her knowledge and emotions, as well as her talents are at my disposal, which means that things like her chemistry and overall size are constants. I'm sorry if it bothers you." Lash added with downcast eyes.

Harry sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck, attempting to fend off his impending headache. It was all too much. Forcing his thoughts back to the problem at hand he turned and took a few steps away from Lash.

"OK. Do you always have physical form or only when you desire to? What power do you bring to this game and what information on the Merlin do you have." Harry asked as he leaned wearily against the trunk of a large oak tree.

"I can always return to my place in your mind. You still have the ability to wall me off and as you are once again my host I am at your service. I offer you the same power as before. Hellfire, Lasciel's knowledge and anything Karrin Murphy knew is now at your fingertips. So that means you now have her marksmanship skills and black belts in Judo and Jujitsu. I can take my physical form only when your blood is available to me, which means you will need to open your skin yourself or be injured for me to manifest. Otherwise I…" Harry nodded and held up a hand and interrupted Lash. "Yes, Harry."

"You said I can now do all that cool Judo-Jujitsu-Voodoo stuff Murph did right?" When Lash nodded he continued. "OK, so another question. When you are physically manifested can I still do all that stuff? Or does that only work when you're just in my mind?"

"Do you wish to do any of that 'stuff' now, my host?" Lash asked quietly.

"Well, no, but it's a good question. I'd hate to try to call up Hellfire or take out someone while you're standing next to me and end up looking like an idiot as I lose my head or get my belly slit wide open."

Lash rolled her eyes and sighed. "The simple answer is, yes. When your thoughts are open to me or when you ask me for help, I am able to assist. But, if you lock me out of your thoughts either when I'm in your head or standing beside you, I won't be able to help."

Harry nodded, crossed his arms wearily over his chest and asked "So what about the Merlin?"

Lash cocked her head to the side as if listening to something only she could hear and after a minute or two her voice interrupted Harry's wandering thoughts.

"The Merlin has been compromised by what you call the Black Council. They are a group of the most powerful from several species. Originally, the Merlin wanted to unite them in peace, but as with many who have taken poor council, he listened and allowed them to convince him that only the strongest should have power. He wants to manipulate the White Council in such a way that it self destructs, allowing him to gain complete control."

Lash stopped and leveled her gaze at Harry. Her voice was filled with concern and certainty when she continued, "His primary goal is to remove all his rivals on the High Council, though he will settle for persuading them to his side. He feels you are one of the only wizards with the natural ability challenge him in the future and he hates you for it. If you had his experience and age you would be exponentially more powerful than him. By taking you out, he not only removes his biggest threat for future leadership, but also the most outspoken wizard. Your lack of fear makes you dangerous to him and his cause." Lash paused, again cocking her head.

"He tried to get rid of you several times. The Merlin saw you as a wild card, his goal was to either twist you so he could use you, or set you up so he could use the Laws to destroy you. You became his obsession. DuMorne was instructed to adopt you and raise you to use black magic. With the Merlin's blessing he attempted to do just that, but he failed and your fate was sealed. You should have lost your head. When Ebenezer stepped in and saved your life the Merlin had to find a different way to destroy you. There were many times the Merlin altered circumstances. As you know the Denarian was dropped in front of the child because he knew it was the only way you would take it. He never counted on you having enough strength to resist long enough to free me. He never knew it was even possible."

Lash closed the gap between Harry and herself and when she stood directly in front of him she gently placed her hand on his cheek. What appeared to be tears glimmered in her eyes and Harry wondered at that for a second before she continued.

"Under the Merlin's guidance, The Black Council attempted to kill you, crush your spirit and scare you off, all without success. The Faerie Courts struggled to counter him by giving their assistance, often without your knowledge. Your mother knew your potential which is why she chose Lea to be your Godmother. The Faerie Courts depend on balance. If one side receives too much power, the world can literally come to an end, not to mention the possibility that every being in the Nevernever could suddenly cease to exist. You are far more important than you believe Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden." Dropping her hand to her side she lowered her eyes and softly, so softly Harry barely heard her, she added, "Especially to me. Without you I would never exist."

Harry pulled his head back and cleared his throat. Pushing past Lash he ran an agitated hand through his hair. He turned around, facing her and slammed his staff into the ground, causing a shallow, meter long crack to appear in the trunk of the tree he had leaned against previously.

His voice was gruff with anger as he hissed. "Damn it! Tell me something I don't know. How can I kill him? Where can I find him and who else, if anyone is responsible for Karrin Murphy's murder?"


	7. What's Next?

"_Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering." Paulo Coelho _

Lash held up her hand, "The Merlin is working with the Black Council, but I have no knowledge as to their involvement. The Black Court is working along side the Merlin, though more than likely their cooperation ends where their goals diverge. Getting you out of the way permanently is a reasonable mutual goal."

Harry shivered as the wind picked up. As he glanced out over the lake he noticed that heavy clouds were gathering and blowing inland. He had no desire to stay and get pelted with cold rain so he turned and walked up the slight slope away from the lake and back toward the city. Lash was immediately beside him and for a brief second he wondered at the small bit of relief he felt that he wasn't truly alone.

Lash gently cleared her throat and spoke, "The Merlin has surrounded himself with strong warlocks and other magicks to ensure his safety. His stronghold is also enchanted. He is immediately notified when any wizard crosses onto his land."

She paused and laughed. Harry turned to stare and she laughed harder before answering his questioning look.

"You aren't a wizard anymore, Harry Dresden. You are so much more." Lash paused and a wicked smile spread across her face, suddenly reminding Harry of who she truly was, "The magic you possess now won't cause any alarm. He'll never know what hit him because he'll never see you coming. He's probably celebrating your defeat at this very moment."

Harry nodded and continued walking. He had no clue where the Merlin was or how best to defeat him, and deep inside he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied by his death alone. He had his heart set on the destruction of everything the Merlin held dear. There was a small part of him deep inside that screamed in alarm, but he ignored it. He hadn't realized it before her death, but Karrin Murphy embodied everything good in his life. Every generous, kind and forgiving piece of him lay battered, bloodied and dead beside her broken body. His fist tightened around his staff and he ground his teeth together harshly as he redirected the pain into anger.

A dusky red glow hovered around the couple as they resumed their walk. Lash took a deep breath and placed her hand gently on Harry's arm causing him to jump at the contact as the power that was building in him was pulled from him in a sudden rush. Lash grunted and then whimpered softly as she pulled the power through her physical body to ground it harmlessly into the grass beneath her feet. She stumbled and fell partially to one knee before Harry caught her under an arm and hauled her up and slightly against his side.

She looked up at him, her half-lidded eyes misty with tears and pain. "Oh…"

A quick flash of fear shot through Harry's thoughts. "Are you OK?" He asked as he settled Lash on her feet, though he still had hold of her shoulder since she was shivering and he wasn't quite convinced her feet would hold her.

Lash stared up at his face, confused and a little fearful herself. After taking a deep breath she nodded and steadied herself as she stepped away from Harry. "I think so, that was a bit overwhelming. I fear I'm not used to feeling things physically and though I knew what I was doing I wasn't prepared for the sensation and emotion behind your anger."

Harry ran his hand through his hair. "You mean you actually felt everything?"

Lash nodded and blushed slightly. Harry sighed, "Great and what exactly do you think you felt?" Harry asked, with a bit more anger than he felt.

"Well, I'm not sure since I'm rather unfamiliar with most emotions, but there was such sadness and a feeling of emptiness mixed with something I could barely begin to express. A small part of me responded to that strange feeling," Lash held her hand over her stomach, "a part deep down inside that I've never sensed before."

A sudden wave of frustration, anger, fear and weariness rushed through Harry leaving him more tired than he ever felt before. He turned to fully face Lash and on impulse roughly grabbed her arm and twisted it up and behind her back. She yelped in pain, but managed to free herself without much difficulty, as she simply disappeared and then reappeared a few inches from Harry.

Anger flushed her face as she turned on him, "What in Hades do you think you're doing?" A rush of power ran through her, causing her hair to swirl and blow around her face as she rubbed at her shoulder. "That hurt."

Harry nodded and frowned. "Testing a hypothesis. You can feel…that's kind of scary."

Harry's frown deepened and he motioned they should continue walking then turned as he turned and left Lash where she stood. Lash stayed were she was for several minutes before disappearing into Harry's thoughts.

Harry walked and worked on a plan to destroy the Merlin. There were a few things he wanted to run by Bob so after chatting with Lash about it he opened up a path into the Nevernever and with knowledge he didn't know he had opened another up in his lab.

"That's freaking cool!" He exclaimed when he arrived before a startled skull.

Bob suddenly materialized. Harry was struck by the look of total shock on Bob's face and by Bob's shout of, "By all that is holy in this life and the next! Harry what the hell are you doing here?" Bob paused and crossed his arms across his chest in aggravation, "That idiot, Morgan came looking for you. He set an alarm spell and I'm sure by now it's alerted him that you're here, which means you should leave. Now!"

A flicker of thought from Harry and Lash appeared. She bowed gracefully to Harry and then to Bob. "What is it you wish of me?"

Bob jumped and pointed at Lash, "Um Harry…I thought we got rid of her?"

Bob watched as Lash ran a hand over a romance novel on the work table. She picked it up and surveyed the cover; a bare-chested pirate ripping the bodice from a blond who looked like she was about to pass out.

Lash chuckled, "_The Pirate's Revenge_ how original." She smirked and eyed Harry suggestively, "A little bedtime reading? Do you like to pretend you're the pirate or the wanton little slut?"

Harry frowned and sent a thought directly toward the Lash in his head.

"Oh!" Lash snapped, suddenly rubbing at her backside allowing the book to fall back onto the work table. She glared up at Harry, "How did you do that?"

Harry smiled smugly and shook his finger back and forth. "You can feel pain, I can inflict it. I know I said it was scary, but I didn't really think of the positive side. I can punish you and even better, I can think it and you feel it."

Lash had the audacity to stick her tongue out at Harry, who just smiled and inclined his head.

Bob cleared his throat, "OK, not like the White Council isn't finally out for your head or anything Harry…now will you please tell me what is going on? I figure you made a deal with the Sidhe, but what does," Bob pointed an accusing finger in Lash's direction and frowned severely, "she have to do with all this?"

Bob put his hands on his hips and waited. Harry sighed, slumped onto a stool and looked at Bob.

"Well my deal was to become Winter's Knight, join up with Lash's shadow and kill the Merlin." Harry shrugged, "What's so hard to understand?"

Bob turned to look at Lash as she rifled through vials and boxes lined up on a shelf along the wall. "Last I remember Lash's shadow was…well a shadow. I'm sure you can see that she's hardly a shadow of anything just now. Even I can see her plain as day and in case you haven't noticed she's interacting with the corporeal world, not to mention you just gave her the equivalent of a mental bitch slap."

Harry sighed, and tried really hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He rubbed his aching neck and explained everything to Bob, including all the info Lash had shared about the Merlin. Bob listened, asked questions and filled in a few blanks. Bob held no love for the Merlin, since his current state was at the hands of the Merlin, but he wasn't sure Harry's plan, or as he viewed it, lack of a plan, was going to get him anywhere but dead.

Bob glanced again at Lash, nodded in grim determination and rubbed his hands together as a smile spread across his face. "Very well then, let's do this."


	8. Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?

**Author's Note: **_I must apologize to my readers for a couple of things. First, the length of time between updates. I am working on my graduate degree, working full-time, teaching part-time, in addition to being a full-time wife and mother. Writing is what I do for fun and I have little time for fun, or even sleep, lately. Second, the quality of the last few chapters has been rather poor. I've been forcing myself to write, even though I don't have the time and it has shown. I am not proud of some of it, but I'll let it stand and try to get back on track._

_If you have continued to read, thanks! If you are a newer reader, thanks also!! Feel free to review, I don't mind constructive criticism, but keep in mind I agree that the last 2-3 chapters weren't good. Thanks and enjoy!_

Chapter 8

"_Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light." -__Dorothy Thompson_

Harry took a deep breath. Standing in the night, he let the darkness surrounding him flow through him. He was surprised actually to feel it; sharp and cold as it tumbled through and around him. He inhaled and sampled the scent earthy, spicy, with a hint of something mysterious. The heady perfume slid sensuously over him like the eager caress of a new lover. His head turned on an angle as he realized the darkness was calling. Seductively it whispered his name. A soft moan he could barely hear.

He reached out with his thoughts and offered the night his gratitude and his pain while at the same time allowing both to echo in his empty soul. He heard the night sigh and the coldness lessened just for a moment and it felt as if nature herself had touched his core. He exhaled and opened his eyes.

Lash stood on his left, her small form clad in dark jeans and a dark leather jacket, Bob's skull in her hands, the eye sockets glowing faintly red. Harry heard things moving, felt them scurry and scamper away when he fixed his eyes in their direction. He was only just beginning to realize the power he had available as the Winter Knight. He sensed, more than saw the small Brownies living in the dead oak tree to his left. He focused on the red-tailed hawk at the top of the pine tree behind him and felt its strength shimmer down his arms as the bird jumped into flight. His vision was excellent, even in the almost perfect darkness of the moonless, late autumn night and he watched the two guards check their watches and take off in opposite directions to walk the grounds.

Lash had shown Harry all the hidden spellwork and even provided the _Idiot's Guide_ version of how each one worked and what it would do. Harry could easily see the Faerie magic liberally applied to the grounds also. The Brownies were probably supposed to be an early warning system, but due to the lateness of the season and the chill of the night, it had been relatively easy for Harry to use some Faerie magic of his own to send all of them into a deep and dreamless sleep. Harry shifted from his left foot to his right and watched as a light flicked on in one of the rooms up at the house.

The Merlin had a large house; castle would be a more appropriate term, surrounded by a high, gated wall, then again by a moat. Harry had almost laughed when he saw the moat. His actual words to Bob were, "Stars and Stones! He actually has a damn moat!"

Bob had rolled his eyes and mumbled, "Old habits, Harry. Old habits."

Lash pointed out that the water was enchanted and home to an almost extinct species dragon that had a weakness for wizard flesh. It would be difficult to pass especially if it was hungry. Harry shrugged. One of the benefits of his newfound knighthood was his ability to open and close doors into the Nevernever with extreme ease and precision. He only needed to know where he was and where he wanted to be and he could see the path in his head. Currently, the problem was deciding where he wanted to be. Surprise was his ally. If the Merlin wasn't where Harry ended up things could go wrong, horribly wrong, though Harry wasn't sure how that would be different than normal.

Harry closed his eyes again and listened. The dark and cold held secrets and Harry, as the Winter Knight, held the ability to listen. Again he let the darkness flow in and through him letting it immerse his mind. When the darkness was complete he plunged himself into the cold. His senses whirled in a rush melding with the darkness and surging into the heart of the cold. With the wind his consciousness blew over the moat. He saw the little ribbons of steam rise, and as they curled out of the water Harry could felt them trail behind him as they cooled. The wind carried him up, over the wall and through the cracks between the windows. He drifted with the draft along the floor, curling in slower eddies before he was swept along again as a door was opened or someone passed through another room.

It was well past midnight, when the night was darkest so he let his mind flow into the darkness now. He skipped shadow to shadow along the walls and floors. He found cracks where the darkness seemed even murkier and slid through them, all the while looking for the Merlin. Harry began to sense power, a thread of subtle energy. An old spell or ward long ago abandoned. Harry skipped over it and flew on, further into the dark.

Eventually Harry sensed stronger energy; this was no thread. The area was heavy with magic. The magic was so extremely thick that it was becoming difficult for Harry to continue his search. Wards covered the walls on both sides of a hall and they grew denser as Harry approached the door. Multiple complex wards covered the door. Harry's consciousness paused in the hall, deep in a shadow, and he sensed the wards. There were wards of alarm, wards to erase memory, wards to induce fear, wards to cause pain and buried by all the others there was a ward that would kill.

Harry skipped with the darkness under the door. Arthur Langtry lay sleeping in a curtained bed. Harry knew and like a lion laying in wait for his prey, he kept his breath steady and pulse controlled. Harry drifted deeper into the shadows.

The curtains around the bed were closed against the late autumn chill. The only gap was near the foot of the bed and it was toward that gap that Harry went, slowly drifting along the floor. He felt more than heard the catch in the Merlin's breath, he felt the heat from his body as Harry slipped through the gap and paused in the shadow. The Merlin was dreaming, his thoughts causing him some distress if the tangled, sweat soaked sheets were any indication. He turned in bed, tossing his head and then suddenly shot upright. A single Latin word on his lips: "Luminarium!"

Light flooded the room and Harry found himself rather suddenly thrust back into his body. He stumbled to one knee gasping for breath and fighting desperately to control the nausea threatening to overwhelm him. Gasping for breath and fighting disorientation he swallowed and forced himself to be calm.

Lash's hand suddenly pressed against his forehead and the world righted itself once again. Harry cautiously found his footing and with Lash's help stood upright. Glancing around and swiping an aggravated, but shaky hand through his hair he spit out, "Hell's Bells, what was that?"

Lash, her arm threaded through Harry's answered, "The Merlin turned on his night light and scared away the big bad wolf."


	9. Through to the Other Side

Chapter 9

_**Author's Note**: Ok, so I'm going to try shorter chapters and hopefully more frequent updates. Seriously, school is kicking my butt and I'm pretty sure it's holding my muse hostage somewhere in Arctis Tor. _

Harry was angry as he pushed away from Lash and thrust his hand into his pocket to trace the fine runes on his blasting rod. He turned back to watch Lash, her posture so similar to Murphy's he was forced to smother a jolt of pain. Lash cocked her head, made a sound as if she were about to speak, but thought better of it and looked to the ground.

Harry took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes as the words to open a door to the Nevernever flowed from his lips. He was slightly surprised at how easily the door opened. It was art, pure and simple. The curtain parted and he motioned Lash forward then followed behind her.

Harry was certain that the High Council had no idea exactly what he had done, though by now he was sure they knew he had done something. It was just as dark on the other side of the door, but Harry wasn't bothered by it at all. He motioned toward their left and took off in the direction he knew the castle to be.

Bob suddenly materialized on Harry's left. He startled at the sound of leaves and snow crunching beneath his feet and he reached out to place his hand on Harry's arm, equally surprised when he made contact with worn leather.

He sounded nervous when he spoke, "Harry, if I would have known all these years that a simple trip into the Nevernever would make me corporeal I would have forced you here." Bob glanced around, "But, I'm sure there is more to it than that isn't there?"

Harry eyed Lash, noticed her nod of agreement, "This isn't me, Bob. I think it has something to do with you touching the wound on my chest. The magic used to bind Lash to me and me to her is affecting you somehow. Some part of it mixed with your essence, allowing you some corporealness under Faerie skies." Harry motioned around them, "I suggest you enjoy it while you can. I have no idea if it's permanent."

Harry suddenly paused by an ugly black rock and raised his hand for Lash and Bob to pause.

"We're here. When I open this door, we should be inside The Merlin's bedroom and hopefully he isn't expecting us." Harry paused and glanced at his two companions. "You both know what you're supposed to do?"

Bob nodded and Lash simply stated, "Yes, my host of course," and disappeared into Harry's consciousness.

Harry tapped the skull he now held and Bob's form became a mass of glowing light that flowed into the skull. Harry palmed it into one of the large pockets in his duster, took a deep breath and opened a door out of the Nevernever.

He blinked as he found himself in the same room he had been in previously. The old bed stood before him, curtains closed and imposing. He sensed The Merlin in his bed; heard his steady breathing and at the last second realized it was a trap.


	10. Trap? Who Said Anything About a Trap?

**_Longtime...no update, I know, I know...I got sidetracked with school and then a couple of other stories. Then my muse up and left me for a younger story and well, again sorry. There is one chapter after this and this one will be complete. Thanks to everyone who's still reading. Reviews and complaints are welcome._**

"_When an elephant steps in a trap; no more trap." African Proverb_

Harry smiled. He felt Lash's nervous glee burst through his thoughts, it was after all what they had counted on. Harry knew The Merlin had sensed something when he had entered the room before. The only thing he didn't know was exactly what The Merlin had planned.

Harry stepped forward just as the curtains parted from around The Merlin's bed, only he wasn't able to move. He realized he actually was moving, but he was doing it so slowly he may as well be paralyzed. He felt a smile cross his face, and realized that what ever it was affecting the rest of his body, it wasn't affecting his head.

The Merlin smiled back, though it was a cold and dangerous smile. One that Harry had seen before, right before he had been sentenced to death and then again when Molly Carpenter had received the same sentence. Harry wasn't afraid this time. He knew where he stood and what he could do.

"Warden Dresden, I'm not sure why you are smiling and I'm not sure what you are doing in my room, or for that matter how you managed to get through my wards."

The Merlin glared. Harry watched as his left hand contracted and the pressure on his body increased, causing him to grunt. Harry would have laughed if he had the breath to do it, but he only managed a short high pitched squeak.

Harry felt the spark of magic flitter through his head and then Lash's voice, "Be still, my host. I counteracted his spell, and substituted my own, I will adjust it if need be. When you must move you will be able to."

Harry acknowledged this and eyed The Merlin as the old wizard moved a little unsteadily to stand before him, his right hand gripping an ornate staff. The handle of the staff consisted of a racket ball-sized crystal that appeared to change color as smoke swirled within it. Harry suddenly found himself pushed to his knees with his face upturned. He saw the spittle fly from The Merlin's mouth as he laughed.

"Oh, Harry, you have no idea how long I've wanted to see you on your knees before me. You were always so arrogant and you almost ruined everything. I warned DuMorne not to underestimate you, but he was even more arrogant than you. I told him to deal with you, tried to tell him what had been foretold, but he ignored me. Kept believing that what the Seer saw was only one reality and the final script had yet to be written."

The Merlin paused. Lost in some past memory he ran his thumb lovingly over the crystal handle of his staff. He turned his attention back to the wizard before him.

Harry's mouth continued working, as usual. "Well you know. I've always fancied myself a writer. Maybe I could write you a happy ending…you know the kind where the slightly awkward, socially inept hero manages to one-up the rich, powerful antagonist. Tell you what. You can be the rich, powerful ass hole and I'll be the underdog who gives you your due."

Harry suddenly found out just how hard that crystal was on the Merlin's staff as it struck his temple. The world tipped and went black for several seconds and bile rolled into Harry's throat. "Arrogant, little boy." The Merlin hissed even as the weight crushing around Harry increased slightly.

Lash's voice accompanied the sudden relief of pain and nausea, "He is weak and ill. There are other's coming. I can feel them getting closer."

Harry acknowledged all she said and glared up at the frail wizard standing before him. "Ouch, is that all you've got? Maybe you're getting too old. Ever think it's time to hang up your staff and crawl into your grave to die?"

Harry knew that The Merlin's weakness was his pride. His inability to consider that he might be wrong, that someone else might be stronger or better. He also knew that no matter how powerful a wizard you are, death still calls your name. Death still comes to collect and at his age, The Merlin was thinking about death, about the afterlife, about what it held for him.

Harry was rewarded with what should have been a weak kick in the side, but when you augmented it with a good amount of magic, well then you get wizard hockey. Harry flew across the room and hit the wall with a thud. He heard the crack and felt the pain just before Lash's amazing ability to smother it kicked in. One thing he did know was that it was going to hurt like hell later.

The old man stalked to Harry and bending down he spit in his face. "You are still weak, boy and you come here, what with your staff and that damn skull of yours? Should have crushed it when I had the chance." The Merlin huffed and held out his hand and suddenly Bob appeared beside Harry.

"How nice of you to formally join us, Hrothbert." The Merlin snarled.

Bob looked disdainfully at the old hunched man, his eyes taking in the handle of his staff with a raised eyebrow. He straightened his jacket, "Well, I wouldn't dare use the word nice when it comes to you and as you know crushing my skull does nothing, but free me from this damn prison you've put me it. I suppose I could haunt you for the rest of my days, but I'd probably just shift into whatever afterlife has been chosen for me."

The Merlin's bushy eyebrows hunched together, "Are you so sure? Have you considered that I could have added something else to the spell? There are several pieces of your pate missing, are there not?"

Bob considered it, but shook his head, "You were never talented enough in binding magic to figure it out. The cruelest thing you did was use my own spells to bind me. I know the damn spells are escape proof, because I designed them. The only thing you did was have those two other fools change it so it bound me to the skull."

Harry sat, with his back against the wall and listened as Lash instructed him on what to do next. He drew up his energy, pulling it in and augmenting it with Winter's strength and Lash's knowledge. He felt it crackle inside of him, felt his hair float out around his head and the power of it was intoxicating. He felt his molecules vibrating, he heard the wind whisper, the dark laugh and he laughed himself. Rich and deep it poured out, flowing with the shadows, echoing back into his thoughts and causing The Merlin to cease his conversation with Bob.

Harry turned and stood, effortlessly. It was almost like watching himself, his previous awkwardness replaced by natural grace he thought he'd never know. It was like watching Thomas move, all sinew and muscle rippling and flowing, moving forward to stand before The Merlin.

He stared down and a cruel smile lifted the corners of his mouth. He sensed the secret things in the darkness suddenly come to attention, watching and waiting, holding their collective breaths to see what would happen. He heard whispering, snatches of words and conversations, "winter knight…powerful…poor merlin…it is over…"

The Merlin stared, speechless, mouth agape and for the first time in quite a long time he was afraid. He drew himself up and Gaelic poured effortlessly from his mouth as he raised his staff. The crystal glowed and swirled and a humming pulsed through the room, like a heartbeat. Thrum-thrummm, thrum-thrummm, thrum-thrummm, building in volume until it was a roar.

Harry felt it as a pressure against his eardrums, pulsing and pushing grinding into his head and then suddenly it was gone, replaced by classical guitar. Lash's voice, "It is still there and it continues to do its damage, but you won't feel it for some time. His power lies in that crystal, my Host. It swirls with sigh of contentment, bone of the dead, blood of a dragon and the tears of a lover. Each one, held in stasis, their owners cannot find their rest until they are released."

Harry motioned to the staff, "Hey, Mickey? Nice bauble."

Harry watched as the Merlin attempted a veil, but Lash's counter spells kept him topside. The confused look on his face was priceless. The Merlin's concentration faltered and the pressure on Harry's ears lessened.

"What?" Harry asked with a smirk, leaning casually on his own staff, "Can't play hide and seek?"

The Merlin huffed and sputtered, "What tricks are you up to Dresden." He motioned irritably to the room, "This is all a bit above you, actually quite far above you."

Harry smiled, "You know, there really is only one thing that can save your miserable life at this point," Harry looked at old fashioned, watch, "and we're running low on time here," he tapped at the glass bevel with a finger.

"Time for what?" The Merlin's confused voice filtered through the sudden silence.

"Oh, you know your reinforcements to show up and watch you confess." Harry shifted his staff to his other hand and nodded, "Yea, that's really all."

The Merlin drew himself up and leaned heavily on his staff, "Confess to what, not killing you when I had the chance?"

Harry moved so suddenly that The Merlin was forced to retreat several steps or end up on the floor. Harry's face was cold with anger, remorse and pain and his empty eyes bore into the older wizard's. "Well if you would have killed me there wouldn't be a problem, but no, you killed someone far more precious to me than myself. You took away the only pure thing in my world," Harry drew in a breath, "and that was the biggest mistake you've ever made."

Harry shook with anger and ripples of magic flowed from him, forcing the old wizard backward effortlessly, Harry simply followed in the wake. "You killed Karen Murphy, why? To get back at me, to warn me off? Desperate little man grasping at straws."

Harry raised his hand and a wall of raw power surged into The Merlin, pressing him mercilessly against the wall and causing the ornate staff to clatter to the ground at his feet. Harry could smell his fear, even taste the acidy taste on his tongue and he smiled.

"You sold out the Wardens, told them where we'd be, time and time again. You were part of the black council and why? You already held the power in the White Council…did you really need to bat for the other side too?" Harry asked as he bent to pick up the staff. He cocked his head and studied the crystal, listened to it cry and bleed and rattle and sigh. Heard each one, knew each life and felt the pain of not being united with it's owner.

Harry gripped the stone in his fist and squeezed, words in an ancient tongue he'd never known filing the room. Lyrical words, pouring out, running over and into each other, flowing with a rhythm as ancient as time itself until with one final twist the crystal turned to dust. A breeze whispered through the room, carried the shifting dust up, and out, returning them to their respective owners. Harry heard and felt the emotions caress across his skin in thanks and then they were gone, up into the night.

Harry snapped his fingers and The Merlin's wooden staff snapped in two like a toothpick.


	11. Destroy the Hope of Man

Harry glared at The Merlin. The little man who thought he was so much more than a mortal, but was nothing against what Harry had become. Harry knew what he was becoming. He knew his humanity was dying and while part of him mourned its loss, another part reveled in it. He took a step forward and waited. Waited for the cavalry, the Wardens that were coming. They weren't coming to help him. He knew they were coming to kill him and he knew without a doubt that he would be dead by morning.

Harry laughed and he heard the ring of insanity to it. He felt crazy. Crazy with grief and power, hell he knew he was crazy even to agree to Mab's deal. He felt hysteria pressing in on him and he wanted to go with it. For once in his life, he wanted to release the emotion that he always held back and use it to strengthen his magic. There was power to emotion. A strength that wasn't found in anything else. It drove magic, strengthened it, pushed it to its limits and it was able to give even a sloppy, half-crazed wizard a chance for one last act of revenge.

He heard Lash in his head and he struggled to ignore her. He knew what he was doing. He didn't want to live after this and he sure as hell wasn't going to serve Mab for all eternity, he'd agreed to keep his power forever in Winter's Court, but he never said he would be there to embody it. He planned to sacrifice himself on the Stone Table, effectively handing his power to Mab. He locked Lash out of his head and with a twitch of his hand; he cracked the old man's legs.

The Merlin howled as pain shot through him. His body attempted to arch, but the force holding him to the wall wouldn't allow it. Harry smiled cruelly. The sound of the Merlin's pain touched a part deep inside him. That secret place most people hide and refuse to acknowledge. The part that rejoices when something bad happens to people we instinctively don't like. The part that humans ignore…that one part that takes pleasure in another's pain. It was that part that small part buried deep inside Harry that sang with glee as it watched an old man's pain.

Harry breathed a word he never knew he knew and a single snap rang through the room followed by another scream from the man pinned to the wall. Harry smiled, "One rib down Arthur, hmm how many does that leave me to play with." Harry paused, watching the Merlin gasp in pain. Another whispered word, another snap, "Uh-oh, there's another…anything to say for yourself?" Harry crossed his arms and waited.

Bob was watching from across the room, his face vacant. He had no idea where his friend was, because the wizard standing before him was not the Harry Dresden he loved. He understood the anger and the pain. He'd been there; done things because of love and justice that he later understood to be simple selfishness. His punishment had left him with an eternity to dwell on the rights and wrongs of what he'd done, but Harry didn't have an eternity. Bob's heart, if you could call it that, was breaking. This is not how Karrin Murphy would want her memory honored. There was no honor in Harry completely abandoning his humanity.

"Harry." Bob's voice was quiet in the room.

Harry turned toward his ghostly mentor, "What?" Even Harry's voice was different.

Bob cringed, "Is this what you want to be remembered for? Does this in anyway honor the memory of Karrin Murphy?"

Harry let his hold on The Merlin drop and turned to face Bob completely. A bitter laugh rang through the room, "Seriously? You're asking me that? After everything…everything you did not only to keep the woman you loved by your side, but also to avenge her death." Each word dripping acid, barbs meant to hurt.

Bob squared his jaw, "But Harry, think about it. If Karrin Murphy were standing her right now, what would she think…how would she feel about what you're doing?"

Arthur moaned from the floor and tried to find a position to ease his pain. Harry's eyes shot toward him, but The Merlin wasn't going anywhere. In fact, he was barely conscious.

Harry turned back to Bob a sound of disgust rose from his throat and a wave of power rushed through Bob when Harry all but yelled, "She's not here. That's the fucking point." Harry pointed to the broken man on the floor, "HE made sure of that. HE had her murdered to get to me." Tears ran from Harry's eyes as the grief swelled above his anger. He began to sob. "He took her, Bob, took her away from me forever." Harry's eyes found Bob's, "I know you know how that feels. I know you remember the pain, that hole it left inside you. That feeling that if you don't do something you may as well die, because without that person you're dead already."

Bob did understand. He knew exactly what Harry was saying, he only wished he could convince him that there was another way. Bob sighed and nodded, "I understand, Harry I do. Even to this day, I feel the overwhelming loss, but I'm telling you…this won't help and I exist with the knowledge that I tainted the memory of my beloved Winifred. Forever, she'll be remembered for what I did to her and my shame surrounds her name. Is that what you want? Every time someone mentions Karrin Murphy it's followed by, 'Oh and can you believe what Harry Dresden did'?"

Lash suddenly appeared at Harry's side, "My host. I mean no disrespect, but the Wardens are here and I must agree with Hrothbert, this…" Lash motioned toward The Merlin, "would not sit well with Karrin Murphy."

Arthur Langtry laughed and groaned from his place on the floor, "It's too late…Dresden…too late…" He panted, short of breath from the broken ribs, "…the damage…it's done…your fate…is…sealed…"

Harry turned on the old man, brought his hand up and nodded. The Merlin slid up the wall to dangle a foot from the floor. The pressure Harry exerted on his chest making it almost impossible to breathe and the old wizard's color went from pale to bluish almost immediately, "I know." Harry said simply as he waited.

The door burst open and Morgan, Luccio and Rameriz poured into The Merlin's bedroom.

"Mi Dios…Harry, what the hell is going on?" Carlos Rameriz asked confusion clear in his voice and on his face.

Donald Morgan didn't say a thing, simply lifted his staff, leveling it at Harry, "Release him, Dresden."

Harry ignored them and watched as Luccio walked into the room. She deliberately stepped between Harry and Morgan and with her left hand pushed Morgan's staff to his side. Her eyes never left Harry and she arched an eyebrow, "Harry. Would you care to explain what exactly is going on?"

Confusion flitted across Harry's face. He had expected an all out assault, but he was only getting questions. "Sure. Langtry's a traitor. He arranged for Karrin Murphy's murder and I'm here to kill him." Harry nodded, "Yep, that about covers it."

Morgan glared over Luccio's shoulder, "What proof do you have?"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Well, how about you tell me what proof you have that he didn't do it. I've been warning you about a traitor in our midst and I'm telling you it's the damn Merlin. He's working for the bad guys, leaking information…KILLING my friends." Harry increased the pressure on Arthur when he started to sputter and attempt to defend himself.

Luccio walked gracefully through the room, eyeing both Harry and the man hanging on the wall. "You know, we really should hold a hearing. This isn't exactly the way to go about getting justice, Harry."

He'd had enough, "Fuck justice! This isn't about justice, it's about revenge." Harry motioned to toward the wall, "An eye for an eye, and his life for hers."

Carlos moved to stand beside Luccio, "Harry, it won't just be his life it will be yours as well. Is that what you want, my friend?"

Harry shook his head. "Did I just walk into an alternate reality? Because I was so seeing this going down differently..." Harry motioned to Morgan, "…you know more Morgan's style. Blow in here, threaten me and let me go out with a big bang. I had it all planned out. What the hell is wrong with the three of you? Come on, protect The Merlin at all costs, he's senior council and all…piece of shit council, but still."

Carlos actually chuckled, "Harry, listen. We know. We received information earlier about the Merlin's involvement in the death of Karrin Murphy. It seems you have friends in the Winter Court who want to keep you in one piece. They gave us proof of his involvement in not only her death, but also with the Black Council."

Harry dropped his hand and Arthur Langtry dropped to the floor in a messy heap of panting groaning wizard. Tears sprang to Harry's eyes. Mab screwed him over. Took away that last little bit of hope he had. All he'd wanted was to take out the man responsible for Murphy's death and she wouldn't even give him that one thing.

He threw back his head and screamed. He screamed his pain and hurt into the universe. He'd been betrayed and while it was his plan to betray her all along, by killing himself after he'd accomplished his task, he was bested by the damn Queen of Winter; again. His only goal was to use his last scrap of humanity for revenge and she stole it from him. That cold hearted bitch. Harry looked around him. He watched as Morgan and Rameriz gathered up the broken old man. He watched one tear trace down Luccio's face, watched it fall to the floor and then heard her voice.

"I am so sorry Harry. I only wish you'd been able to finish what you had started before we arrived." She wiped her face with her hand, "She has you now, where she always wanted you…stronger than ever and forever hers. Goodbye, Harry." She turned and left, following the other two Wardens out the door. She left Harry alone with his sorrow and his anger.

Alone and bound to the Winter Court…Forever.

**THE END**


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